In a short Instagram video posted by @sadesolomon, the creator detailed “3 Things To Stop Telling Single Women.” Just like her, not only am I over the same old useless and tired “knowledge” being passed down to single ladies — but honestly, isn’t it time we just let go of giving women unsolicited dating advice altogether?
In the post, Solomon shared some of the most commonly heard things said to single women — plus her brief explanations on why she thought the sayings were pretty much pointless at their root. The first one she discussed was, “Marriage is not all it’s cracked up to be.” Not only was it a classic statement people often tell single women, but it was also a really strong way to start the clip — especially because many generally assume single women are always longing to achieve marital status. As she shadily pointed out to those who might say the aforementioned to their single friends, “If you’re unhappy in your marriage, then just say that.”
The second was, “Just be content in your singleness and the right one will come.” As the creator pointed out, “Some of us have been content for years” — and for whatever reason and things out of our control, we just haven’t been able to stumble across our forever partner.
As her third and final note, which she emphasized as her most “despised” in the caption of the post, Solomon chimed, “You just keep attracting the wrong kind of man.” As she plainly stated, it’s a ridiculous thing to say to because someone “can be the best woman — and still attract a clown.”
What I love about Solomon’s post is that it highlights an insidious problem that isn’t talked about enough. To be real, there are generally two different types of people who give dating advice to single women and use the type of language stated above. Often, they’re a close family member or friend who says things like the aforementioned without knowing how toxic their language comes across, or how it genuinely impacts those on the receiving end.
On the flip side, there are those who are just point-blank haters. They know the advice and/or knowledge they’re passing down is harmful, unhelpful, and frankly unwarranted — but they’ll tell you it anyways because in their heart of hearts — they genuinely don’t want to see you happy (with or without a romantic partner by your side).
All that being considered, while I 100% agree with scraping the three statements Solomon called attention to in her video, even more so, I’d like to do way with the practice of giving unsolicited dating and/or love advice to single women altogether. As her video supports, it’s just a habit that’s simply in bad taste.
If you’re usually the one passing down advice to your single friends and loved ones — even those you don’t know — consider what I say next. It’s impossible for you to know all the things that have caused someone to have the dating history that they do. Additionally, no one can ever truly offer the “best advice” to another person when it comes to their singleness (or their pursuit of a relationship) because you’re not them and chances are — they’re not seeking to be in a relationship with you.
Honestly, this is not to say all advice to single women on finding themselves a match is bad. What I am saying is that unless you’re specifically asked for you’re advice on a single person’s approach to dating and/or marriage in the future — it’s best to just keep your thoughts to yourself. What did you think about Solomon’s clip?